bye for now.

Bodycount: 2

Characters dead that I didn’t mean to have die yet: 0

Anime episodes watched when I was supposed to be writing: 0 (I swear)

Manga chapters read while I was supposed to be writing: 0 (seriously)

*Glances down at the view count graph thingy* Whoa!

I had over six views on the thirtieth, moving up in the world.

Anyway I don’t have much time to update since I haven’t reached my quota for the day (2,000).

The unintentionally terrifying video of the day comes from Ralph Bakshi’s infamous animated adaptation of The Lord of the Rings

*Beat*

Sam . . .

How could anyone interpret Samwise Gamgee as . . . THAT!

And an even better question, how could the same person who brought us the animated adaptation of The Last Unicorn have misinterpreted Samwise into . . . THAT!

Everyone who has read the book knows that Sam was the responsible hobbit, who cooked the food, and carried everybody’s packs when they started complaining (and they really had no right to complain since Sam was already the one carrying everything that wasn’t somebody’s).

To anyone who has read the books, or even just watched the Peter Jackson movie trilogy, it is perfectly obvious that Frodo wouldn’t have gotten anywhere without Sam. He would have been killed, or turned into a wraith, somewhere in the first five chapters and Sauron would have taken the ring and used it to restore his power and take over the world and everything would have been bad and everyone would have died if it weren’t for Sam.

Why would anyone think of him as a toad that laughs creepy and DANCES WHEN IT IS HAPPY!

And how in the world is it the same person who adapted  The Last Unicorn to perfection.

I do not understand.

Why? Why did you do that Bakshi? Why did you make Samwise Gamgee a toad?

This is just too much for me. I have to go back to writing my NaNo novel and stop thinking about the injustices done to one of my favorite Lord of the Rings characters by someone I trusted. Excuse me.

No kidding, they actually think that they are vampires. And no, you cannot convince them otherwise by pointing out that they are visible in mirrors, or by waving garlic in their faces and noting the fact that they don’t cringe (well, not more than normal), or even by pointing out that they are not, in fact undead. Try to tell them these things and they will just brush you off with a “that’s all fiction, in real life vampires are nothing like that.” And while you beat your head against the nearest brick wall they will inform you that there are actually three kinds of vampires, sanguine (drinks blood), Psychic (drinks other people’s life force), and Hybrid (drinks both). Also they will tell you that vampires are some kind of new evolution of humans and how tortured they are to be a part of the vampire movement and how miserable it is to be different. Seriously.

They also claim to have beyond human powers, such as: better sense of smell, better hearing, more stamina, and the ability to go without food for days (because it totally does not take an ordinary human over a month to die of starvation) Oh yeah, and did I mention psychic vampires also have the ability to read minds. No seriously.

Watch this video of a psychic vampire on the Tyra banks show reading the minds of the audience. I’m afraid it’s near the end of the video so be patient.

GAH! I’m so SCARED! She can read my MIND!

Actually no.

That was the most general ridiculous crap she could have come up with, anyone with any sense of logic would assume those things immediately, I mean seriously lady “some of them are very skeptical.” No kidding? You bring people onto the stage that claim to be vampires and people in the audience are skeptical? Really?

And I like that “but some of them are very interested, and willing to believe, and want to learn more about us.” Well I guess you just covered the whole spectrum didn’t you lady? Good job, you have mastered Fortune Telling and Mind Reading Vagueness 101. That was a nice little touch there at the end though, couldn’t possibly have been good observation that prompted her to say that that guy liked her outfit and hair, that’s not something you can pick up by watching where people’s eyes are aiming, nope, no way *roll my eyes.*

You should watch the entire special, though (it’s all on youtube, just search Tyra Banks Vampires), to get the full crazy self deluded effect, I especially like the part at the end where the lady starts comparing vampires to dinosaurs (“there are big ones and small ones, but they’re all dinosaurs). *face brick* variation within a species is not the same as variation within an entire order, variation within a species is not the same as variation within an entire order, variation within a species is not the same as variation within an entire order *breaks out of trans,* oh sorry, I just can’t stand it when people fail so miserably at metaphor, and biology at the same time. It’s so wrong, it just reminds me the picture for the TVtropes article “This is wrong on so many levels”

That picture just describes so many things so well, you may see it again here.

Where was I? I think I just went off on a tangent, well anyway, back on track.

The super powers (cause it’s loads of fun to believe that you have super powers). Extra sensitive hearing, and smell, super strength (demonstrated so convincingly by Don Henri in that Tyra Banks special in a way that could definitely not be attributed to an ordinary moderately ripped guy), mind reading (you know how I feel about that), and the ability to completely disregard all logical arguments against their beliefs in their own specialness (a specialness I might add, that is definitely beyond normal humans). Seriously, to feel important these people not only have to believe in beyond human powers, but also claim to belong to a newly mutated species? What the!

Ooh, and don’t forget to watch in the special where Don Henri demonstrates his super smelling abilities by detecting with his nose *bum ba ba bum* chocolate, meat, and a mango. Yes, he has super smell abilities because he can tell what chocolate, meat and mangoes are with his eyes closed. Well let’s get these people in training we can have drug sniffing vampires, yeah. Seriously? Could they have picked anything with a more easily detected scent? I can tell what chocolate, meat, and mangoes are with my eyes closed! the only thing they proved there was that Tyra has no sense of smell. Maybe if he’d been able to tell what kind of meat I’d be impressed (but I still wouldn’t believe he was anything other than a deluded human).

also the part where he shows the test he went through to see if his blood was abnormal at all, in the Tyra banks show he said something about his sugar levels being low or something, but here is the real video of the tests on National Geographic’s Is It Real  and what the doctor who put him through them really said (if, like me, you are squeamish about blood skip the first two minutes):

Ick, drinking blood, ick, drinking blood, ick, ick, ick, nausea fuel ick.

OK, now that I’ve got that out of my system. Notice how the doctor said everything about him is normal? yeah, I did too. Notice how on Tyra Banks they cut the video off before that part so we could listen to a very vague “my glucose (or whatever) is unusually low.” This, kids, is a clear example of yellow journalism, also known as lying, or making stuff up off the top of your head, but then Tyra Banks isn’t exactly a fountain of untainted knowledge.

Oh yeah and that lady’s whole “I knew I was a vampire because I couldn’t sleep at night,” well I can’t sleep at night, I have never been able to sleep at night, this is probably due to a messed up circadian rhythm or some other simple sleep disorder, this isn’t proof that I’m a vampire, it isn’t proof that she’s a vampire, it just proves that she’s willing to take any slight abnormality as proof of her special non-humanness.

Heh, anyway, people are very good at deluding themselves (just ask Christopher Paolini).

On a totally  unrelated note NaNoWriMo is coming up in a few days, I think I’m ready (it’s a lie, no one is ever ready) I’m sure it will be loads of fun (it’s only a partial lie, it’ll be difficult fun). So I’ll be sure to put updates up for the whole 50, 000 words, so bear with me, as I may be even less coherent than usual.

Kthanksbai

Today we are going to talk about word salad stories. You know the kind of stories where everyone around you claims they’re beautiful, so artistic, and just the best thing ever to be done with ink, but you’re pretty sure the author was abusing illegal substances (or at least abusing a thesaurus)? Yeah you know the kind they usually involve “gloaming,” tears that look like diamonds, and something or other that “seems to give itself back to the earth(TM).” Well, if you hadn’t guessed already I hate those kind of stories, but for your benefit I will make one exceptionally bad word salad story. I only hope my thesaurus will forgive me someday.

First I will write a normal ultra-short short story that makes vague sense:

A man Peels a Boiled Egg

He rolled the boiled egg against the counter and listened to the crunching of the thin shell against laminate wood. It was still warm from the boiling water, almost warm enough to burn his fingers. He hooked his nail under the shell to remove it, but only the top, hard layer of shell came off. The rubbery under-layer did not come with it. He shoved his nail through the skin and tried to peel it off and the crusty layer above with it, but he lost several layers of egg-white for his trouble. Also when the water from the egg got under his nails it felt grimy. Frustrated, the man put the egg down on a towel and rinsed his hands in lukewarm water from the sink.

And there we have it. A normal ultra-short short story about a man having a lot of trouble peeling a boiled egg. It isn’t Shakespeare, but we know what’s going on. Lets translate it into word salad, shall we? And just for fun I’ll turn it into fan-fiction so now it’s Captain Kirk peeling the egg.

A Paterfamilias Flays a Boiled Egg

Captain James Tiberius Kirk revolved the boiled abulmen against the credenza and listened to the crunching of the thin carpace against laminate wood, crunching like the bones of a small animal. It was still warm from the decocted water, almost warm enough to sear his fingers. The Captain attempted to hook his nail under the carpace to remove it, but only the top, al dente layer of cutlicula came off. The rubbery under-layer remained adhered to the abulmen. Captain Kirk shoved his nail, as white and smooth as the full moon, through the skin and tried to peel off the elastic and the crusty troposphere placed in a higher spot with it, but he lost several layers of clement albescent abulmen for his trouble. Also when the life-giving liquid from the egg got under his finger carpaces it felt raunchy like he had been digging in sedimentary clay. Discomfited, Captain Kirk placed the abulmen down on a dishtowel and lavationated his hands in clear lukewarm liquid from the sink.

Too. Much. Fun.

Now I understand why people do that. They aren’t on drugs (well, not all of them). They just understand how fun it is to call water “life-giving liquid” and make Captain Kirk peel a boiled egg with his fingernails (like the moon) and feel like he’s been digging in sedimentary clay.  Yes!

Understand, this doesn’t mean I’ll make a habit of not saying what I mean, but it is fun.

Kirk out (Next time I’m trying for a blog entry that makes sense!).

That done I can acctually say something.

I love new projects. They’re big and shiny and full of new characters that seem so new and . . . shiny. A new idea always seems funner when its new (hmm, that made no sense). What I mean to say is that I’m afraid that after a few weeks I won’t want to write this story anymore, I’m afraid I’ll hate the characters even though I love them now. I feel I shouldn’t have said that for fear of cursing myself to experience it.

I won’t talk about it anymore.

See yah

Oh yeah, also I graduated.

My cat Ada: Which lame PBS show?

Me: Oh Yeah. there are a lot of those aren’t there. Well, you know the one with the really annoying kids and horrible plots that always had a “Message” in them?

Ada: *blank stare*

Me: Why am I even talking to you? I’m writing my blog go away.

Anyway It’s like something the villain of a lame PBS show would do.

Speaking of shows . . .

I have now watched every episode of both seasons of Robin Hood (the BBC one) and all the special features. I would recommend this show to anyone who knows much about the legend of Robin Hood. I do not not, however, recommend it to people who just think they know a lot about the Robin Hood legend. That sort of person is always bashing this show as inaccurate because . . . because of something that happens to Marian (I’m not telling what).

So read up on the legend and love it before you watch this show (I would recommend being obsessed). If you read up on the legend you’ll know that Maid Marian isn’t part of the legend in the first place so if . . . something happens to her it doesn’t really matter because she isn’t an important part of the legend.

What I don’t understand is people complaining about Marian . . . having stuff happen to her, but not complaining about Guy of Gisborne being a hot, leather wearing knight type, instead of just some axe crazy nut wearing most of a dead horse; or Alan-A-Dale being a thief instead of the best minstrel in all England; or Will Scarlet being some random peasant kid, instead of Robin’s nephew; or Much being Robins servant, instead of a miller’s son (hence Much the miller’s son), or even Robin’s name being Robin instead of Robert. Don’t misunderstand me, though, I like what they did to Guy, Alan, and all the others in this show.  But please if you’re going to complain at least know what you’re complaining about.

So watch it, but know it first.

Of course I don’t think too much of the results. I’ve always considered myself more nuetral good bordering on chaotic good(Of course it takes a lot to push me over that edge)  but apparently I’m a psychopath. Ah well, psychopathy can’t be as bad as people think it is. Now I have to go further my campaign of anarchy. I will see you later.

I Am A: Chaotic Neutral Human Ranger (2nd Level)

Ability Scores:

Strength-14

Dexterity-13

Constitution-11

Intelligence-15

Wisdom-17

Charisma-11

Alignment:
Chaotic Neutral A chaotic neutral character follows his whims. He is an individualist first and last. He values his own liberty but doesn’t strive to protect others’ freedom. He avoids authority, resents restrictions, and challenges traditions. A chaotic neutral character does not intentionally disrupt organizations as part of a campaign of anarchy. To do so, he would have to be motivated either by good (and a desire to liberate others) or evil (and a desire to make those different from himself suffer). A chaotic neutral character may be unpredictable, but his behavior is not totally random. He is not as likely to jump off a bridge as to cross it. Chaotic neutral is the best alignment you can be because it represents true freedom from both society’s restrictions and a do-gooder’s zeal. However, chaotic neutral can be a dangerous alignment because it seeks to eliminate all authority, harmony, and order in society.

Race:
Humans are the most adaptable of the common races. Short generations and a penchant for migration and conquest have made them physically diverse as well. Humans are often unorthodox in their dress, sporting unusual hairstyles, fanciful clothes, tattoos, and the like.

Class:
Rangers are skilled stalkers and hunters who make their home in the woods. Their martial skill is nearly the equal of the fighter, but they lack the latter’s dedication to the craft of fighting. Instead, the ranger focuses his skills and training on a specific enemy a type of creature he bears a vengeful grudge against and hunts above all others. Rangers often accept the role of protector, aiding those who live in or travel through the woods. His skills allow him to move quietly and stick to the shadows, especially in natural settings, and he also has special knowledge of certain types of creatures. Finally, an experienced ranger has such a tie to nature that he can actually draw on natural power to cast divine spells, much as a druid does, and like a druid he is often accompanied by animal companions. A ranger’s Wisdom score should be high, as this determines the maximum spell level that he can cast.

Find out What Kind of Dungeons and Dragons Character Would You Be?, courtesy of Easydamus (e-mail)

When I was little I always knew where I’d be five years into the future, I’d would be going to college to become an archeaologist, or in vet school, or running a pet shop, but as five years from now becomes one year from now I have begun to grow more and more nervous. Where will I be in a year? Two years? Five? Will I be published? Will I be working? Will I be living in my parent’s basement (I really hope not because that place is truly a dungeon)? I honestly don’t know. All I know right now is that I don’t want to be in college.

What? Don’t want to go to college? How will you get a job! You exclaim (quietly in your mind of course, yelling at the computer is something weird that I do and you probably don’t). I have an answer for you though: It’s OK for me to not go to college now because  I have the entire rest of my life to go to college, but at the moment I have no desire to get a degree. Why should I go to college when I don’t know what I would go there for in the first place?

Think about it. College is mostly for desk jobs and the last thing I want is a desk job. I hate working at a desk, even when I write I usually take my laptop to bed with me  and I am planning to acquire an alphasmart (it’s like a laptop, only different) to make my writing even more portable. College tends to be for desk jobs, jobs that steal your life, or at least any time you might have put aside for writing. Sure cardiologists are rich (in theory) but I don’t want to be a cardiologist. Cardiologists have very little time to write.

Someone with a degree is usually someone who wants to devote his entire life to whatever it is he has a degree in. Of course not everyone gets a degree for a career, but really, I haven’t the time or the money to go to college and get a degree in everything I want to know. That’s what books are for.

In conclusion The closest I’m getting to college for a few years will be the more interesting (and by more interesting I mean creative writing, self defense, and backpacking) classes at my local community college. TTFN

1. My blog title is from a show I like “Robin Hood.” The line is the catch phrase of my favorite character Alan-a-Dale. I have always been obsessed with the legend of Robin Hood ever since I was little and even though I know that the TV show bears very little resemblance to the original legends I still love it.

2.  The only ice cream I like is mint chocolate chip. Seriously.

3. I have a lot of pets and have owned twelve dwarf hamsters in my short lifetime.

4. The only animals that I do not like are apes and wasps (not bees, I like bees).

5. I have an irrational fear of wasps because I was once attacked by an entire nest of them under frightening circumstances.

6. Though I love animals I still eat them. I have eaten both chickens and goats that I have raised from infancy.

7. I will not eat all animals of course, there are some that I find too human-like and must draw the line at. Included in animals I have sworn to never eat are Horses, Cats, Dogs, any kind of primate, and parrots.

8. My favorite TV show is “Firefly.”

9. My favorite book is “Watership Down.” I even like the movie and the song “Bright Eyes.”

10. I come from a family of eleven. Yes eleven. I am the eighth child and have always thought that eight was my lucky number even though I don’t believe in luck.

11. I actually do have a thing about what is lucky and what isn’t, but I don’t really believe in luck, I just like it.

12. I am (on my dad’s side) German, and Irish, and (on my Mom’s side) an odd mixture of Spanish (from Spain), Dutch, English, and Gypsy.

13. I actually like this number.

14. I tend to associate numbers and letters with colors and even personalities. For example 1 is white, he is a bit pasty and goody-goody with a few neurotic habits, but generally OK; 2 is yellow, he is something of a hot shot, but nice underneath; 3 is blue and just a little too perfect for his own good; 4 is orange, upright and to be admired, but he would crack under pressure, he cares more about his family than anything else; 5 is red she is sweet; 6 is dark blue and very handsome, but boring. This goes up to 9 I think and then through the alphabet, some letters are even in romantic relationships with each other and it is a little hard to keep track of. Yes weird.

15. I like oysters and mussels (to eat).

16. I really like to write, mostly Fantasy, but I also enjoy class essays.

17. I hate it when people ask me or any other writer the question “Where do you get your I ideas?” Honestly if you’re not a writer you will never quite get where ideas come from, even writers don’t know for sure. I am one and I get ideas by the hundreds (mostly junk), but even I don’t know where they come from. If you ever find out please tell me so we can be rich and famous together (heheh, together).

18. Cats are my favorite animals because in my experience, as a species, they are more intelligent than any other animal I have ever kept.

19. I once got to keep an orphaned raccoon for the summer, she was adorable and thought I was her mother. I eventually returned her to the wild where she lives like any other raccoon. She may even be eating your trash right now.

20. My first pet was a cat named Arthur, named after King Arthur.

21. My heroes are Charlemagne, King Arthur, Robin Hood, Bilbo Baggins, and George Washington.

22. I am obsessed with the site tvtropes.org.

23. I was born in the year of the horse.

24. Every time I start on a new story I lose all desire to read books and sit in my room drawing pictures of the characters.

25. Occasionally I wish eating was not necessary.